Guilt. I’m just not doing it anymore.
For years, every single time I looked at myself on a video replay, my stomach would drop and I would feel disapproval and shame. Because I know the me I see and feel inside of me is fit, healthy and vibrant - I remember the times I’ve been happiest all through my life are memories of me running, swimming, playing and climbing… Which is me being fit.
Plus the negative reinforcement I’ve had around body image gave me a phobia of being seen as anything less than perfectly fit - so having to show up while I’m struggling through my own battle - only compounded the problem. Led me to hide more, eat more, feed my addictions more.
Because the problem went so deep and every single time I went live, did a video, or saw a reply I would die a little inside. But I showed up anyway - much of the time - until it got too hard to bear. But now I’m done. It helps that I got control of myself over the last few months and am losing weight quickly, feeling great about my eating and not depriving myself either….
A big part of that was letting go of guilt in my decisions. But the self image thing is still there. HAS been there. (Putting it in the past with your language takes its power away and creates the better story)
Here’s the thing about fear - it creates more of the same to fear.
And guilt is a subset of fear - I didn’t even know I was feeling guilty! I thought I wasn’t a guilty person. but it turns out that disapproving, embarrassed shame feeling I’ve been feeling since being bullied and abused as kid, IS that toxic guilt. And as I said. I’m done.
NOW I’ve connected to the truth of what I’m feeling - I take off the breaks and stop guilt in it’s tracks. As soon as I see my replay and that tension starts up in my belly and shoulders - I just STOP the subconscious impulse. I know there is a disapproving thought in there somewhere - and I back away from it, and just say no. I relax my body physically, breathe and come back to PEACE. Over and over again, as many times as it takes.
This goes hand in hand with the daily or twice daily inner work I am doing to meet these scared, ashamed parts of me with Love. Affirming what I am choosing to believe and re-evaluating what I believe is possible for me.
Using inner work, energy work and the power of Long-Game Auto-Suggestion, I’ve been meeting the scared places, walking myself into an empowered belief filled place, so I’m not bypassing. I feel that fear and acknowledge it…. But then the rest of the time, when that disapproving guilt pops up - I just say NO. And switch into peace.
The guilt is toxic. Its coming from a bullshit place that makes us hide and hate ourselves. It doesn’t make you better or help. It makes you act up in destructive ways. Even though it seems like you’re just thinking about what you want to do differently, and like you’re describing life…You’re not. It even seems like you’re encouraging yourself to be better - but its not encouragement. It is guilt.
Ultimately people can only show up for us, how we show up for ourselves. Because what we feel inside is what we give out to The World.
But, along the way, you’ve still gotta try. Even though by default I’ve experienced transmitting this uneasy shame through my emotions - I’ve still been a positive force for good in so many people’s lives. So it’s not like you can wait til you’re perfect. You’ve gotta do it as a type of live performance through your life. Growing as you show up from your imperfect spaces. At least this is how Ive done it over the last 11 years..
The inner work prepares you for the real World experience. Because showing up and trying IS where the healing comes from. Learning how to react differently. Seeing what you like and don’t like. Trying new things. Forgiving yourself for your short falls, of which we all have many.
So let’s detox from guilt, shall we? Say good bye to self judgement, and begin seeing our actions as an experiment, rather than a mark upon our character and worthiness. This means if you indulge in destructive habits, you see it objectively instead of guiltily - you simply look at it and see if you want more of that or not. Then you make a new choice. Affirming that YOU are in control of yourself. (and no one else)
It can be hard to say no to that guilty feeling - its taken me 18 years of inner work to finally get to THIS place. That’s through healng PTSD that made me reactive, chronic illness the doctor said I’d be sick with forever and so, so much more… So this is just another level of dropping deeper into trust and Love for myself.
We all have this stuff somewhere in our lives - you can use my experience to see in your life where you’ve been judging yourself so quick that it feels normal and even helpful. But actually its not.
If you feel bad when you think about yourself in some way and/or have cravings come up, then it’s because you are judging and avoiding these parts of yourself, which keeps you stuck in the cycle. Same with procrastination and overworking to overwhelm and burnout. (To sides of the same coin)
Take the time to go within and do your ‘inner child work’ or I like to imagine it as a critter sometimes instead of a child - just face that fearful part of you with love.
This type of self talk and healing is the key to unlocking amazing ideas, abundance and productivity in your life. Every time I move through a new level it’s like the universe opens up and it rains abundance and gold. So even though it can be hard to retrain your emotional reactions - it can and must be done xo
If you want to know how specifically, feel free to comment your experience and I can help. Or if you want to use subconscious reprogramming to release and rise above then DM me to ask about my digital and 1:1 offerings available now xo
