USING PAIN & TRAGEDY FOR POSITIVE TRANSFORMATION: A True Story of Continued Transformation, And How To Apply This To YOUR Life Long Success
As many of you know, since it’s been clear as day over the years, I have struggled with my weight, It’s been an up and down life long thing. And since I’ve been an online as a healer and coach I have never (except once for a brief time) been anywhere near my ideal weight.
This has caused me great suffering and pain. Every video I have ever done has felt like TORTURE having to show up as NOT the me I see inside of me (thin, curvy, fit and glowing).
No matter how happy or vibrant i’ve seemed in my videos – in the background of my being, I’ve had this tortured, embarrassed, sad and mad feeling at having to show up looking as I have.
It has been a massive block BUT the weight didn’t happen by accident – it was a subconscious ploy to protect myself. Even though I’ve sort of known WHY – like I could tell you WHY – it was so deep I could never get to it completely to heal it.
The short version is, through a great series of events in my life, deep down, I decided I did NOT trust myself to be thin. Deep down I believed if I was thin I might go back to escorting, for instance. When I ran my own business as a high end escort I made many thousands of dollars a week, sometimes a day.
Deep down I believed if I was thin, then I would get too famous and be open to attack, not just from trolls but from government entities and evil people who snuff out truth tellers like me. The amount of times ive been banned and shadow banned from talking about false flag events and the corrupt media is beyond a joke – they’ve sort of won in that way because now I keep my insightful opinions to myself – posts that would go semi viral and create loads of conversation – but soon after I would be banned, and my reach reset to zero.
The pain of hiding from my dreams has been so great, its like I strapped a boulder to my back to slow me down – sort of literally with all the extra weight i’ve been holding onto.
But through ALL of it, I’ve been growing. I’ve been healing. I’ve been dreaming. I’ve been KNOWING that just like I healed the PTSD that left me a triggered and depressed mess… And just like I healed the chronic fatigue the doctor said I would be sick with forever (so I fired her and healed myself naturally with 8 months) AND just like I healed the chronic lung disease that very nearly took my life, also naturally with energy work….
I know I will heal this too.
This is a done deal. It is predetermined. It is just how it is.
And finally, I had my breakthrough – my true breakthrough and am exercising and in touch with my healthier self.. But the breakthrough was a seed grown from a heart breaking tragedy in my life recently…
Back when my Honey Pig died tragically…. (my sweet friendly guinea pig who died of internal injuries from a guinea pig fight and a fall) - It launched me into a new dimension (that happens when you make a new choice and take new actions).
One thing I know in my heart, is how death is a transition.
Through my experiences, I have seen how pets take on their human’s sicknesses and issues like a spiritual companion of support.
I’ve seen how often when pets die, it’s at an important transitional time for the human.
I’ve seen how the tragedy of life ALWAYS opens up a blessing – the opportunity for a new miracle.
As do ALL tragedies that happen in our lives.
They all have a seed for transformation that lives within.
I’ve had plenty of tragedies in my life.
Ever since I was born to a 16 year old mother who couldn’t help but hate me, and lived my first few years in a teenage drug house brothel with scary people all around me – then to be thrown into a safer place with other family, but they were unhappy, strict in a mean way and many who were meant to Love me, resented me….
I’ve had a lot to heal from.
A lot to learn from.
And I know you’ve had your own fair share of stuff too.
Maybe you’ve minimized a lot of it, thinking that some others have it worse…
Perhaps you’ve already done so much healing work you wonder why it still doesn’t work at times…
But just know your experience is valid, and the work continues - so give yourself a break about things taking so long - they just sort of DO. And then one day you have a series of breakthroughs because of the years you’ve put into your inner work and outer changes…
So my message to you today, is to look at the tragedies in your life – and find the silver lining.
This isn’t some feel good cliché message.
It is the very life force of transformation.
All curses have a blessing within.
But the blessings must be looked for.
The tragedies must be reframed.
And you MUST be willing to take charge of your thinking, even against those super strong thoughts that say you’re not enough, that tell you to wait, slow down or go faster – whichever direction your fear takes you.
Ever since Honey Pig died, I got control of my eating.
It was combined with a LOT of work beforehand, learning to trust myself.
And now I have decided. I take it one day at a time.
I trust myself.
And when I don’t, I remind myself, I trust myself.
I physically relax toward the pain of mistrust, releasing the clenching around it – I breathe, and again, I choose to find that other part of me that trusts.
I don’t need to threaten myself not to eat or feel guilty for a high calorie meal anymore…
Although I am intermittent fasting, and did a water fast for 6 days when Honey Pig died. That came naturally, was easy for me then… I accidentally fasted on the day of his death with his accident, and the journey to the vet.
Then with my grief the next day, I used it to intentionally not eat and water fast - not really to use weight though… Fasting is more of a spiritual thing. The weight loss is secondary - thats the only time fasting has worked for me.
But rather than threatening myself that I can’t have this and that…
I’ve finally begun checking in with myself…
Trusting myself….
Believing in myself…
And even though I have to admit, I am working through massive frustration at still having loads to go to be at what I consider an OK weight for me….
Again, I trust myself more than before.
Over and over again.
I keep feeling the pain, the frustration and all the self worth stuff - but I refuse to live in that World anymore.
It all comes down to trust
Like when the doctor literally told me I would be sick FOREVER. She actually said that. I did not believe her. I knew it wasn’t true. I just knew it. I trusted that I knew better than her, so I threw her prescription for those sick pills in the trash and I just TRUSTED that somehow I would find the way…
And I did.
And this is a big part of why I’ve cured clients from social anxiety that doctors had told them they would have forever, I’ve healed sciatica and back pain and foot pain and more - that people thought they would be stuck with forever… I trust in my ability to help others heal, and ultimately myself, more than anything else in this World.
So where in your life can you trust yourself on deeper levels?
How can you RELAX your body towards the pain as you breathe, while making a NEW choice to just choose trust right now. In this moment. Just right now. Just right here. Just for you.
Trust in one decision at a time.
Not the decision you will make tonight of whether to have that thing or not.
But right now.
You can decide if you’ll have that vice later or not.
No need to stress about it now.
That doesn’t work anyway.
I feel so much freedom in the way I eat now, since I am intermittent fasting.
I tell myself: “I am in control of what I eat.”
Try saying that sentence to yourself calmly and solidly
It’s the best feeling ever! (When you let yourself believe/agree with it)
I am still drinking wine at times.
I am no longer threatening myself and worrying about what I eat.
I’m tuning in.
I’ve stopped guilting myself
I’ve started thinking of my future self
And I have faced the fears that caused the weight gain in the first place (which is the bit that took years)
So if it’s not abundantly clear, my message to you today is that the answer to everything is to trust yourself. To trust in a higher power guiding you.
This is very differently from naively trusting others, or just doing what you think.
NO.
This is about FINDING TRUST WITHIN YOU
This place that always trusts.
Not the fear based place which most people always think from
So you’re gonna have to let yourself relax and stop the worry.
It doesnt work.
Reprogram your subconscious along the way.
Believe me it helps.
If you have any physical pain - believe me I KNOW how it works - its emotional.
Your key to true healing, health AND success in your business and life is emotional well being.
I heal back pain for breakfast, so easy because I know the physical pain is emotional - no matter how physical it seems - we are all energy - if its chronic pain that sticks around - even if you have xrays and stuff - the way you heal it is by healing the emotions underneath - and that’s where my brilliance comes in.
If you would like help reprogramming your issues, healing chronic pain and dis-ease, curing anxiety and doing sincere inner work that ACTUALLY works for long term change, then reach out to me and ask about my 1 to 1 work or digital programs.
My clients have beautiful long lasting changes in their business, health, relationships, communications abilities and LIVES.
Right now I am taking on case studies for people with physical pain who are ready to go on a healing journey. Im offering discounted session in exchange for documenting your progress. My first case study had terrib le lower back pain for FOUR YEARS - she couldnt do yoga at all. After only THREE sessions her pain is almost completely gone, and she can do yoga again - its a miracle!
Plus other things are changing too because it is emotional well begin work
Often it takes longer than 3 sessions, and for sure we will keep going with pain, it wills till flare up for a while, so we keep going with the work until its completely dissolved - because the truth is, when you just keep going with my Heart and Soul Freedom reprogramming work, you will heal all physical, emotional and real world blocks in your way.
So if this is speaking to you, reach out and lets have a conversation to see if it’s right for you.
With Love
Kai Ashley xo
